My adult daughter rejected me


Romina. Age: 26.
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Latest Issue. Past Issues. Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question?

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Juliana. Age: 26.
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Coping With the Rejection Of a Child

One of the hardest things to experience is the betrayal wound that occurs when your own child grows up to hate you. I have seen this numerous times in my life, to the point that I am compelled to write about it. Parents who have been rejected by one or more of their children experience a type of pain that is not matched by any other — even the betrayal of a spouse or parent.

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Delaney. Age: 31.
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Family estrangement

It may result either from direct interactions between those affected - including traumatic experiences of domestic violenceabuseneglectparental misbehavior such as repetitive explosive outbursts or intense marital conflict and disagreementsattachment disordersdiffering values and beliefs, disappointment, major life events or change, or poor communication - or from the involvement or interference of a third party. For example, as a child transitions into adulthood, the adult child may cease contact with his or her parents and possibly other family members. In another scenario, an intolerant parent might reject an adult child because of the child's life choices.

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In my studies of the lives of older Americans, I learned that almost nothing is as painful to them as estrangement from an adult child. When I wrote a blog post on this topicit led to an extraordinary outpouring of interest that both surprised and moved me. When we reach the later years, our dream is to be surrounded by loving children and grandchildren. For some older people, however, a negative relationship with one of their offspring - or even worse, complete separation from him or her - is profoundly difficult.